


Carpe Diem

by Albione



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: AU, Christmas Scene, Did I mention Fix-It?, Fix-It, M/M, OC Elio, book divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 22:05:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15591720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Albione/pseuds/Albione
Summary: Oliver’s Christmas conversation with Elio does not go as he was expecting.





	Carpe Diem

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Oliver or Elio, but at the moment they own me. Andre Aciman created them, and I cheekily pinched the conversation he wrote as to ruin his work. I hope he will not sue me, but I deserve it.

“I might be getting married this spring,” Oliver said as he sat uncomfortably on the edge of the bed.

The words hung in the room as a zeppelin, heavy and only needed a spark to crash into flames onto us.  
“But you never said anything.” “Well, it’s been on and off for more than two years.”  
“Oh” I wanted to say so much, there was a river of words within me; I feared letting them out. 

“Do you mind?” he asked me, as though I had any decision upon his life, as though I knew who his fiancée was, or why he decided to marry. Do you mind, the question bounced within my mind, and I talked.

“Yes, I do mind, I do mind you coming here and telling me something I probably should have known this summer. Was I your affair during the off period? And when did the on start again? August in New York? Something you never told me when we were chatting on the phone? When I was telling you how much I missed you? How I would love to jump on a plane and join you? You could not say ‘By the way Elio, I have a girlfriend’ that one piece of information that would have made me look less of a fool!” I nearly spat out the last word. 

He did not reply, he was looking at his feet shoulders hunched; I sat up on the bed, the covers fall away from my naked chest.  
But of course we never talked about our lives, as though the world was just the circumference of the orle of paradise and that we knew each other better than ourselves. How arrogant we had been. 

My anger abated, he was the man I adored sitting on the edge of my bed; I touched his back lightly, and as he turned I patted the space next to me on the bed. He gingerly lay beside me over the covers and said “For a short while, but I don’t want to do anything.”

We lay in silence, both wondering how long this would last, an uneasy truce that he broke by kissing me. I missed his taste so much, remembering it was not the same, the movement of his lips, the texture of his tongue, all the details that made an Oliver kiss. It was not the kiss of Santa Maria dell’Anima, that was a kiss of possession and desire; this was a goodbye kiss, gentle and longing.

I moved towards him, ready to press my body against his so to prolong the kiss and change it into a welcome back kiss.  
He sprang away “I can’t do this!” His expression was clouded.

“I can!” I felt my anger rise again, it was childish, but I had waited for months to have Oliver in bed with me, to feel his skin against mine, to taste him fully.  
He saw my expression and a flicker of guilt or regret was in his eyes.  
But his voice was firm “I’d love nothing better than to take your clothes off and at the very least hold you. But I can’t.”

His “Later”, “I want to be good” and now “I can’t” were arrows he had thrown at me since this summer; I thought I was immune from them, but you can never be immune from someone you have been longing for, someone you love… I thought the word I had never dared to say, the word that seemed so cheap for what I thought we had. Love, I loved Oliver, I could not let him slip away.

I put my arms around his head “Then maybe you shouldn’t stay, they know about us.” If I could show him how it was natural for me to be with him here, how my family had accepted him truly, then can he relax? Can he return to the Oliver of last summer?

“I figured” His voice was the distillation of every pain known to mankind.  
“How?” “By the way your father spoke. You’re lucky. My father would have carted me off to a correctional facility.”  
The bitterness was raw. I wanted one more kiss before he stood to leave forever.

I should, could, have seized him.  
So I did.

I wanted one more kiss, I took it, leaning over him and deeply pushing my tongue into his mouth and holding his head still.  
It was my reply to his kiss at Santa Maria dell’Anima; I had always hovered around him unsure, being on the cusp of adulthood.  
Once I had spoken I followed him as an eager apprentice, but now I needed to show him I was determined and willing to lead.

“Elio” I breathed into him; he shuddered, his head moved as to back away, but I kept my hold on him. “Elio, Elio, Elio” my voice deepened as I bit his lower lip; his legs moved as to get up but then he shuddered and collapsed upon me, defeated.

“Oliver” he sobbed.  
I pushed him back onto the bed, and ran my hands under his sweater, under his shirt till I felt his skin, the hairs on his chest and his nipples.  
I kissed him afraid to break the connection. His arms lay still against his side but I felt the reaction of his groin, he was getting as hard as I was. 

“Elio!” I almost shouted, as to break his inertia, and kissed and bit his neck, I arrived to his collarbone, to his Star of David, and I took it in my lips and as a prayer whispered “Elio”.  
He grabbed me, for a moment I was afraid he was going to push me away; he might have thought that was what he was going to do, but he held me tight and shyly replied “Oliver, Oliver, Oliver.”

We undressed looking at each other afraid to break the connection.  
Our bodies were relieved to touch skin against skin, remembering the curves and textures.  
He silently took me and came within me, holding me tight. Spent he fell upon me and I could feel his tears falling on my chest, but he made no sound.

“Oliver, it’s all right, please” I stroked his face.  
“What do I do now? What have I done?” He was distraught and guilt flooded me.  
But I could not give in to regret, I had to fight for this man, I had to be strong.

“I do not know what you will do now. But we can discuss what we will do now. Don’t leave me Oliver, don’t ever leave me again, it will kill me.”  
I kissed him a thousand times that night, and still it was not enough so I kissed him again.  
He started sobbing and hid his face in my neck. “Elio, I do not want to leave you, but what can we do? You are so young, a life in front of you. I cannot ruin you”  
“A life in front of me with you Oliver, and together we can face the fire. You are more myself than I am, and I will not cower away from what I have. I am young but I know that there will be never something resembling this.”

He nodded “It will be difficult, I shall lose my family and most of my friends; society will judge us. Will you be able to face it?”  
He sounded hopeful, as though he was seeing for the first time a possibility of a future.  
I smiled and hugged him. “You have a family now; let us talk to father in the morning and see what he suggests.”  
We fell asleep entwined, as we would fall asleep from that night onwards. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> I am in such a slump with Coda that I wish the Christmas scene in the book went in a different way so that I did not need to battle with adult Oliver and Elio. I started writing this today and will “publish and be damned” without my usual obsessive checks. I have now got it out of my system and feel much better. There might be another chapter of Coda by the middle of the week.  
> Sorry for this out of character Elio.


End file.
